View Article

Morning of the run: What a beautiful Saturday morning, sun shining, birds singing the world perfect in
every way.

I had a day pass from the wife to go and have fun, fantastic “Poker Run” here I come!

I made good time heading to the BP North from Bribie and I was early pulling into the servo, I grabbed
some fuel and decided to park up, grab a coffee and wait for the rest of the troops to arrive.

I thought I would definitely be the first one for sure; I really was that early, boy was I wrong.
Belly and Lovey by the looks of them slept there on the table for the night, met my arrival with cat calls
from across the drive even before I had my helmet off, “where’s ya skirt, Mrs. Secretary” “Shave ya legs”
to mention a few.

Suddenly last night’s AGM came flooding back, I was on the Redcliffe committee, and my role as many
repeatedly told me was that of the “Girl/Tea Lady”

I had every possible slur on my manhood thrown at me Friday night after the meeting and it was
continuing on today, good thing I’m thick skinned and knowing that the ribbing will abate by February

Slowly the group gathered,

“Drums” arrived disturbing the early morning solitude and decided that doing running repairs on the trike
would keep us all entertained for awhile, 20 minutes later and comments of how long before that thing
runs out of fuel echoed around the group.

Congratulations were passed around to the new committee members and more tongue in cheek remarks
headed my way as well.

A girl can only handle so much!

Our usual end of the car park quickly filled with bikes. Hugs and kisses were exchanged (guys you will
have to buy me dinner first if want a kiss from me) and people milling in small groups merged to form
larger groups.

Any shade to be found was gold as the sun already had a sting in it, we watched the activities going on
around us, car clubs gathering, the buzz boys on there 200000CC rockets heading up the mountains no

One young lady on a Harley received the admiration of the group I was standing with, there was mention
that the rear tyre was wider then she was, another 20 years and we can ask her to join!

Herb rocked up wearing his colostomy bag on his back with the tube hanging over his shoulder, he was
adamant that it was a camel pack filled with ice and water - sure Herb we could see where the other tube

We all paid up and received our ticket and first card, the day really heating up now.

There were the usual conversations taking place, bikes, money, bank fees etc.

Smokey’s bike strapped with a mobile UN refugee camp to the back pictured above

Finally “Flyby” called us in for the pre ride instructions.

Even before “Flyby” started talking I was confronted and asked to write the ride report, as I was the new
Secretary “it would be good practice” also a chance to fire a few one liners back as well to those who
attacked my sexuality.

No one thought that the “New Gal” might not be able to put all the names to the faces yet!

Without much thought I agreed, I took a few quick photo’s on my phone and missed the brief completely.

Plan B came directly into action, just follow everybody else and pretend I know what’s going on and
where we were heading.

We saddled up and 35 bikes and 3 trikes were off, cruising past the flash for cash camera car parked less
then one k up the road, I trust nobody was speeding!

I had watery eyes at the sight of all those bikes spread out over the next 500m looking up into the
distance; I quickly remember to shut my visor and vision cleared at once.

I think everybody was having fun as we rumbled in the direction of Woodford, “Offit” decided to shortcut
via Villeneuve to Kilcoy on his own.

His timing was perfect to watch everybody ride past waving and other assorted hand jesters offered while
he waited to turn back onto the main drag pulling up at the rear just outside Kilcoy.

That reminds me I did hear one small part of the ride brief…something about Pumbaa taking it in the

We all pulled over into the park at Kilcoy to grab the next card, some of us - thinking it was morning tea –
started setting up only to be told we were only there for 5 minutes tops.

So far my cards were not looking very good, 6 of Hearts and a mid numbered Club, oh well I only came
for the ride anyway.

Off again, leaving Kilcoy to Nanango via Moore.

We crossed the upper Brisbane river and up the hill towards Moore, the blue wing in front of me started
pulling away, I twisted the throttle on to $1.80 to keep up, I couldn’t for the life of me see the tow rope
attached to the front of the wing, no matter how hard I looked!

I checked my mirrors for any signs of blue lights and a Gold SV6 Commodore came out of nowhere,
seeing 35 bikes stretched out ahead of him (sorry three trike riders as well) with all those blind corners
and double white lines leading into Moore was just too much for him.

Out he went, 15 bikes later he is trying to push his way back onto the right side of the road, hands went
up and a lot of head shaking for the riders witnessing this stupidity.

Still not satisfied he decided to pass the rest of the bikes in one hit, would you believe it, the only time the
cop at Moore was not waiting to collar someone! (My guess is it was the Moore cop in the SV6, payback
time bikies!)

We crawled through Moore up to the base of the range with only a minutes delay for roadwork's -
40 kilometers per hour up the range! One blessing was that at least the Harley riders had a chance to keep
up for a while, I think one might even been able to get up to near the lead.

I smiled to myself knowingly at how happy those Harley boys would be to ride with the pack even if only for
a short time.

Morning tea at Nanango and the conversations were all based around the Gold SV6, one lady in the group
suggested we should all surround him, pull him over and give him a stern talking to.

Another suggestion was while we had him pulled over we should cut the valve stem off his tyre, I am not
going to mention your name (English Gentleman) but great suggestion.

The cutting idea was a great one but as I’m not allowed to play with sharps anymore and looking around I
could only see the flash of white plastic spoons in teacups I put the idea to bed.

Only 1%er bike clubs would go to this level of violence being aimed towards the SV6 driver! Don’t cross the
Ulysses – message loud and clear.

Off again this time to Goomeri for lunch and I sat behind one of those trikes for a while until I had had my
fill of rocks and noise, three stones to the helmet, one in the visor, and one to the chest.

I noted the trike top box doubles as a gravel spreader; guy must be a hobby farmer changing paddocks?
It was also a reminder of the paint ball game I played late last year, except this time I was unarmed.

Note to self for any future rides, trikes are just mean to follow and they smell funny too!

Lunch in the main street and my luck turned with the next card – I had a near straight poker hand, I only
needed another small number card.

Finally the finish line was in sight and a short ride into Kilkivan pub car park, all bikes parked up and
being unpacked.

I wandered around the back of the pub as tent city was being “erected” and comments of old men, “poles”
and “tents” filled the air.

Daz decided to go “green” recycle and camp in an empty salt and vinegar potatoes chip pack.
A comparison to a rubber was aired as well.

At least that was what his tent looked liked to everyone else, smile still on his face as Daz weathered the
barrage of jibs aimed at his accommodation for the night

It was a small town and the policeman was making his evening rounds. As he was checking a used car
lot, he came upon two little old ladies sitting in a used car. He stopped and asked them why they were
sitting there in the car or were they trying to steal it? "Heavens no, we bought it."" Then why don't you
drive it away." "We can't drive." Then why did you buy it?"

We were told that if we bought a used car from here we'd get screwed we're just waiting."

There was much child-like excitement amongst those who had booked a bed for the night as they
compared rooms.

Comments about a head rest/lower backrest on a Victory and Lyn’s name mentioned brought on a few
more laughs, sorry Lyn.

We met up in the beer garden for our final card draw; believe it or not I got my straight!

Drinks in hand we got down to the pointy end of the day, the winners and losers.

Ian started the proceedings; “in last place, is Peter,” “Flyby” called out.

As Peter approaches the front, “Flyby” catches himself, ohhhh arrr sorry, next line up should be Garry!

Someone hands “Flyby” a pair of ladies reading glasses.

Poor Peter sheepishly retreated to the background and we all felt sorry for him, Garry grabs the $$$ and
runs before any further mistakes are called.

Next onto the first place - I had my straight - I had to be in this with a good shot at winning!

“Flyby” says “and the winner this year has a straight and is on our committee, it’s our new Secretary!”

Really me, yes, victory dance double peace signs to everyone present and I swaggered up the front
wiggling my girlie hips all the way.

Applause, photos taken, my hand on one half of the cash “Flyby” hand still holding onto the other end.

The moment seems to be dragging and I’m thinking ok, now let go Ian, I’ll bow and head up the back to
where I feel safe. I am starting to think this is drawing out a bit to long now, but wait someone says, we
have a king high straight and that beats a straight.

What? What are they talking about, I won, right; after all I am holding the cash, photos, applause hmmm?
Good old “Flyby” ohhhh umm that’s right it’s Cheryl, it’s Cheryl not you Mark.

Damn I thought, this is a bit embarrassing now, not from losing the event, but my humility in winning.

Maybe I should have been a little bit humbler in my walk to the front, maybe only one peace sign and a
slight hip wiggle; at least I didn’t chant we are the champions this time!

Cheryl is handed the $$$$ by Ian and Cheryl is apologizing to me for winning, poor girl.

I said it’s not your fault, Cheryl it’s all good as I retreated to the back next to Peter, everybody’s
laughing at yet another “minor error” by Ian.

Without regret at the lose of the winnings, I know deep down that the new hand bag and high heels I was
picturing spending the money on, would certainly look much better on Cheryl than me.

I looked at my watch, 3.30pm and my day pass nearly over, and I said my farewells and suited up to join
the others not spending the night at the pub.

I knew I was missing out on a great night as I sadly rode towards home with three trikes for company (I
passed those three farmers in a blink).

I am looking forward to hearing the tales of the night I missed, and I’m sure that the truth won’t get in the
way of a great Ulysses story.

Hopefully someone can cover off on day 2 of the Poker Run…… and fill in the gaps for me.

To sum up the day from the new gal’s point of view; what a great bunch of people out to have fun, and we
did, conversations of a positive year ahead and attitudes to match.

I want to thank the person unknown who gave me the opportunity to write up the ride report, putting the
day into words was as much fun as the ride it’s self.

If I have offended anyone in the report I am sorry, it was intentional.

I trust my scribbles encourages others to join the fun next time, I am looking forward to the next event and I will try for a 2-day pass as well, the Ulysses Redcliffe branch is going to rock in 2012 and I can’t wait!

Mark Salta,

Posted in: Ride Reports
blog comments powered by Disqus